It's time

I'm going to take an official break from this blog.


I know -- given the infrequency with which I have posted, you weren't likely to notice until I'd been gone more than a month. Unless I know you in real life blah blah excusecakes something something.


I'm not deleting the blog. (Yet.) I've written a lot here that I'm proud of and obviously want to save.


I want to walk away because I have thought about doing so a lot over the past few years.


I want to walk away because I don't feel like I have any better handle on this blogging thing after six years at it. I think part of that is because I blog in secrecy. I no longer find this acceptable.


I purposely wrote this blog under a pseudonym so that I could talk about whatever I wanted with little fear of backlash. As a result, however, I've had to keep huge segments of my life off the blog for fear of "discovery." [cue visual of ET running from the scientists]


I don't want to write in secrecy anymore. I want to be able to give people the URL to my creative site and not talk about blogging in the past tense as though it's something I no longer do.


I want to save the bitching for my journal and create an online space where I can openly share my writing, drawings, and creative ventures that intrigue but also frighten me, like photography. I want to tell people about my life and my city. I want to be able to post pictures of silly things like the haircut I just got.


I don't have any logical conclusion to this entry, aside from saying that I know I'm making the right move because I feel free as I type this.


Thank you for visiting this space, for leaving comments, and for following me. It's been pretty great but it's time to get used to something different.

Every day is like Sunday

Things I'm happy about:


-- I have the whole day to clean up and do laundry and prepare for the work week screw around and watch Netflix.


-- Remembered, as I contemplated breakfast, that I had eggs. HUZZAH!


-- I got to talk to my friends Vanessa and Luckdragon last night. Yay, impromptu phone calls!


-- Some of my bills are paid! Including the YMCA! Where I haven't been in months! They're going to have to name a wing after me eventually. I mean, it's only $33/month that has recently gone COMPLETELY to waste, so I'll have to start small and claim, like, a chair in the lobby (you can buy a decent chair for $132, right?). But I'll get that wing eventually. Or I could just cancel my membership. Or -- HA! -- go to the fucking gym.


-- I rewatched "The Truth About Cats and Dogs" last night and was glad I still liked it. Janeane Garofalo has denounced the film as being anti-feminist and I was afraid I was going to hate it some 15 years after seeing it in the theater. But I didn't. Might even buy a copy, if only for a glimpse at all the wonderful 90s-ness about it, including landlines, women wearing patterned skirts with dark tights and Docs, tiny backpack purses, and answering machines.


-- Being back on my thyroid medicine (avoiding the long and probably boring story that goes with being off it) if only because I can now look at people, widen my eyes ever so slightly, and say, "I'm back on my meds." And then smile like Herman Cain.

Things I'm not happy about, but mostly in a first-world-problem kind of way:


-- No one is here to make or bring me a vanilla latte. My life is hard.


-- I went to a fancy schmancy art exhibit that King V was a part of and had some fantabulous crab dip that has made my stomach hurt off and on since Friday fucking night. I had two little bread pieces with dip -- no more than a few tablespoons total -- and am still occasionally wincing and wondering when the alien is going to pop out of my stomach. Not fair, crab dip I avoided spreading all over my body and rolling around in -- NOT. FAIR. Selective lactose intolerance is just idiotic.


-- The cost of redoing yoga teacher training. I really like the idea of redoing the training (and ideally being better prepared for the emotional strain I felt the first time) and teaching a class for larger-size people but $2,500 might as well be a million. I don't know. I can't entirely decide if becoming a yoga teacher is a dream I'm putting off or something that just sounds kinda neat but I'll forget about by next Tuesday.


Things I am putting off doing:


-- Detangling my hair. It's just booooooooooring. The alternative is leaving the house again looking like I have drunk wrestling weasels on my head. Fine. Where'sthefuckingcombgodblessit.


-- Figuring out what to eat for breakfast (I have time for this, though, since I have to wait another 30 or so minutes for my thyroid medicine to finish kicking in or whatever it does in the hour I'm supposed to wait before eating. Maybe it does magic tricks. Although *poof* You can now stay awake throughout the day! *shazaam!* kinda sounds like a lame magic show. Like one that would take place at a convention for very literal people.)


-- Getting in touch with Buckethead at Vox and possibly picking up some writing assignments because I am one broke ho (although stumbling across this entry is aiding in my procrastination, as is the wrinkled, I-just-smelled-something-yucky face I made when remembering conversations with Ginger).


-- Finishing a blog post where I talk about A More Serious Issue. No hints. Don't hold your breath; it's slow going with that entry.


-- Taking a nap. I KNOW -- what's THAT about?? Procrastination is only good if it keeps yucky tasks at bay.

Good things

1. My poor, 19-year-old car needed its CV joints replaced and finally got new ones on Monday. (The wheels made a POP!POP!POP! noise every time I turned and only got worse the longer I pretended I couldn't hear it happening.) The car also got an oil change, new front tires (one of those fun, surprise! the wheels are coming off! repairs), and fresh wiper blades. I essentially feel like I'm driving a new Camry because it's so quiet. My newold car came with a pre-cluttered backseat (sponsored, apparently, by Diet Coke), which I found quite thoughtful of the dealership.

2. King V and Queen S are doing well and headed for their six-week-snowbird vacation in Mexico in a little over a month. I get to housesit (although I haven't entirely worked out how that's going to work since I'm not subletting my apartment or hiring a petsitter). They have cable, TiVo, a slammin' kitchen, a king-size bed, and a stocked beer fridge. Who's going on vacation again?

3. Mack Daddy Smooth comes home in 20 days. CAN I get an amen-uh?!

4. Today was payday, which enabled me to begin repaying the Bank of Mom and Dad (a kind and forgiving financial institution) for financing the CV joint repair. I'd just paid for the tires and oil change and was a little tapped (read: I was a one broke motherfucker). Hmm. I wonder if I could get #UnoBroMoFo to start trending on Twitter. Would certainly be better than anything Kardashian.

5. Kata is great and nuts, as usual. I got nominated to be on the party planning committee. Coincidentally, we have our holiday party tomorrow night, complete with door prizes and alcohol. I say kill two birds with one stone and give out beer as a reward. Could really boost morale. I know a recent rough day gave me a better understanding of the three-martini lunch of yore.

6. Earlier, I was craving something sweet and was sad (in a very first-world-problem kind of way) that I didn't have any candy. Then I remembered I had a peppermint, but that seemed kind of lame when I would've preferred a bag of a couple Starburst. So I got sad again. But then... I remembered I had leftover birthday cake and all was right with the world again. A videotape of my reaction would probably do quite well on YouTube.

7. Speaking of YouTube...

I can't WAIT to see the new Muppet movie.

8. I fucking love the Internet. Something I was listening to earlier made me think of an amazing singer I had heard perform with James Taylor about a thousand years ago. I couldn't think of his name and very literally Googled "the black guy who sings with James Taylor." Just a bit to my surprise, I had my answer about 10 seconds later: Arnold McCuller. (His stuff is all OVER Spotify if you're interested.) Here is Taylor's band performing "Shower the People." McCuller has a solo (for which he is understandably quite well-known) that starts at the 3:20 mark. He appears in a fedora at the 1:02 mark. *hatswoon* I tried to the embed the video but YouTube is being a punk or I'm tired and I keep making the same mistake. Maybe a little of both.

Gotta get to bed (1) because it's after midnight and I told myself I was going to bed at 11:00 pm and (2) it's Betty Off Her Crocker's date night. (I wish that information wasn't seared on my memory.) I'd like to get to sleep -- or at least be earplugged -- when she and the Duke of Humpington begin, uh, balancing her checkbook. So far, so good -- they're wearing their cement-heeled shoes and apparently moving boulders. I only get nervous when it gets quiet. Well. Temporarily.

Drawing #3

Continuing my draw-a-picture-in-15-minutes thing, here's my next installment:

Drawing #1. Drawing #2.

Truth be told, this took 45 minutes to do.

As you might guess, the drawing of El Popetino took about 10 minutes. Then I let my OCD take the wheel (Jesus needed a break) and start messing around with text alignment and thin-lined boxes and blah blah blah 15 minutes came, went, and sent a follow-up postcard. Anyway, I'm counting it since I was done drawing. Except for making the sparks sparkier. It is a magic wand, after all.

What a bitch...

...in' day.

;)

I got a couple things fixed on my old-ass car on Friday, so it was much more pleasant to drive to work today. You know. Since the wheels are going to stay on now. SRSLY.

I actually started out the day pretty pissy for reasons I don't entirely remember. Probably a lack of sleep. Coffee helped. I mean, so would've a nap, but they frown on us curling up and sleeping under our desks. Pfft. "Hurts morale." "Makes it difficult for the cleaning crew to vacuum." Whatevs.

A bunch of us headed out for a training session during lunch and learned some tricks in Excel... that I've pretty much forgotten now. Hey, that's what taking notes is for. We scored a free lunch out of it. While I was waiting to load up on This Afternoon Coma Brought to You by Pasta, a male coworker stood and very seriously addressed the room. He mentioned something about proceeding with the following despite a violation of the fire code --

No... he's not going to suggest...

...blah blah blah something about a lot of candles --

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

"...we should sing Happy Birthday to Maxine."

omgomgomgomgomg

Dude. I was embarrassed but I freakin' loved it.

---

I surpassed my quota for the second Monday in a row -- and actually got a tiny jump on a sixth article before quitting time -- and drove home feeling pretty good about myself. It got better when I walked up on my porch and saw that Mack Daddy Smooth had sent me a package. Inside, a bunch of stuff from Hawaii, including macadamia nut candy, banana chips, an I <3 HAWAII journal, and a pen featuring a cartoon lady in a bikini.

Gotta say the kid knows his audience.

---

The birthday goodness will continue as I'm due to dine with different groups of friends over the next few weeks, folks who weren't able for one reason or another to make it to the birthday festivities. My plan is to stretch my birthday out as long as possible. A few years ago, I made it halfway through December. This year? I'm aiming for June.

Maybe my pony will finally arrive today.

This is actually a wedding cake AND it's from Martha Stewart's site, so clearly my first birthday gift this year is a healthy dose of delusion, but I think it's beautiful and it's my birthday, so THHHHPPPT.


WOOHOO, 38! I plan to get all mature-like any day now. Any... day...


-----


Update:


I've had a really nice birthday. I went to brunch with my folks and a good friend and had a lovely time. Went back to King V and Queen S' and opened presents. I scored a teapot, a drawing pad and new markers (yessss), a coffee grinder, and other goodies. I was surprised with a trip to the movie theatre where we  saw "Puss in Boots" (So freakin' cute!), the same place where King V messed with me by buying the tickets in secret and pretending to walk into the theatre where the new Twilight movie was playing. 

(All together now: :O !!!)

I was tantalized by the trailer for the Muppets movie that opens in a few days; can't wait! After the movie, went back to the 'rents and had cake and ice cream. It was a pleasant, low-key day. I wish I could have celebrated with more friends, but a late invitation on my part, friends' prior obligations, and life in general got in the way. No worries, though; it's just a reason to extend my birthday celebrations well into December. Or next June. Whichever I can get away with.

Hope the rest of your Maxine Day goes well! I'm still not mature, in case you're keeping track.

They say it's (almost) your birthday...

Howdy!


It's my last day as a 37-year-old person. I've been awake less than an hour and these are some of the thoughts I've had:

• ZOMG! I GET PRESENTS TOMORROW!!1!

• I should take myself out for tea and cake later. And write poetry and draw!

• 38. One step closer to 40! And death.

• Presennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnntssssssssssssss!

So, you know. I'm conflicted. Mildly. Mostly in a "38? Really?! I feel 28!" kind of way. Therefore it's helpful that I have decided to reclaim my 20s and will be telling everyone at work on Monday that I turned 23 over the weekend. Most of them will know it to be a lie but I am kinda hoping I can trick at least one person. Hi, I'm Maxine and I have no other hobbies!


This has been a pretty amazing year. Last year at this time, I was in my seventh month of working for Vox, which had officially made me a professional writer. As that wrapped up three months later, I found my way back to permanent full-time work at Kata, which has been an amazing place to work. I've learned so much since April. I'm actually looking forward to work on Monday, in part because I made my weekly quota for the first time ever and floated out the door on a cloud of success and happy on Thursday evening.


I don't have huge plans tomorrow, mostly because I couldn't really think of anything to do that really flipped my switch. I considered bowling (regular and duckpin) but nixed the idea because neither seemed that thrilling. Case in point, I can go bowling each and every day of the week. I wanted to do something SPECIAL. So I'm going to brunch with King V, Queen S, and a few other friends. The hatches, you must batten them down before we all blow the fuck away.


My original plan was to go see strippers as I had done with Vox employees back in February (something my archives tell me I didn't blog about), but after finding out a Kata coworker has picked up a second job dancing at a local club, I lost interest. That's just a lot more information than I care to know about my fellow writers. I also wasn't so sure I wanted my friends to see me drunk and getting a lap dance. I mean, I'm going to be 38. That means I'm PRACTICALLY grown up. Time to crack down and be SERIOUS, you guyz.

Off to break some laws and get a few gals pregnant before I have to claim adulthood. Have a great Saturday!

Drawing #2

Prompt = writing. I ran out of time to draw a bottle of ink because I'd forgotten to draw holes in the notebook paper. I think it's funny that I thought first of paper and pen for writing, even though I do 95% of my creative work on a computer.

Back to the drawing board

I gave myself with a drawing task. I chose a word at random from a book and decided to draw it. I also gave myself a five-minute time limit.

My first choice was "Cairo." I thought about drawing Africa, but that seemed kind of hard to do in a short amount of time. Without drawing some African continental blob with an arrow pointing to Egypt.

The second word I saw was "target." Also not exciting. Unless I draw the retail store, which could be interesting, I suppose. But again... not in five minutes.

The third word I saw (picking at random from a book next to me) was "group."

Yes.

I drew most of the above in five minutes. Then I upped my limit to 10 minutes because I wanted to give Herbert Applebottom a bow tie. Ten minutes became 15 as I futzed with the hair on the ballerina (in the pink) and changed her skin tone from a weird oyster color to Caucasian #4. I haven't decided on a name for her, but I'm circling around something in the "Kit" family.

Yeah, I give them names. I've done so for drawings for as long as I can remember, which clearly (and inexplicably, if you ask me) bothered a long-ago coworker who, upon seeing drawings tacked up in my cubicle, assumed I had been drawing pictures of friends. I remember very well her 'cuckoo for cocoa puffs' look right before she walked away. Probably to buy something beige for her bland-ass life. But I'm bitter.

I haven't come up with names for the rest yet. The green triangle lady is me, kinda, but she's also tall and thin, so she might be Helen Willis from the Jeffersons.

I like Herbert the best. I did not draw him like Ernie from Sesame Street on purpose. It just happened.

This might make a good feature because it was a lot of fun. I got away from regularly posting drawings here far too long ago.

I think the tall purple fellow should be Pez. He's a candy salesman.

Herbert manages a restaurant. Something like Big Boy.

What do you think? Can you help me come up with names and background info for the others?