100 Things

1. I am a whore for Diet Coke.

2. I have four tattoos.

3. I want many more tattoos. I think 12 is a good ending number. For now.

4. The sound of the tattoo needle being turned on scares me more than getting the actual tattoo.

5. I used to love broccoli and semi-dislike cauliflower. Now I am starting to loathe broccoli, whereas I am quite fond of cauliflower. With dip.

6. Sapporo is probably my favorite beer.

7. I also like Dos Equis.

8. I love to watch romantic comedies, especially those involving straight people. I have no explanation for this.

9. Sometimes I think about throwing away my TV and VCR, all my DVDs and remaining videotapes and just living a happy TV-free existence. Seeing as I just got digital cable, I guess that won’t be happening anytime soon.

10. I got my first-pet-as-an-adult – my cat, George – about six months after I left my parents’ house.

11. Aside from six-month stints in (1) an apartment at 19 with a roommate I now refer to as Damian, (2) a dorm room on the campus of my alma mater, located 20 minutes from my parents’ home, and (3) life in a single dorm room at a university about an hour from my parents’ home, I lived with my parents until I was 28.

12. I have shame issues regarding #11.

13. I have two cats, Gizmo and Kitty La Rue. I’m sure you know by now that everyone on this blog operates under a pseudonym.

14. Gizmo always hides when people come over. I love that she trusts and likes only me and I gloat a little when my company leaves and Gizmo comes out, purring and looking for me.

15. My body is selectively lactose intolerant. I can eat buckets full of ice cream, but half a piece of cheesecake will take me down within an hour.

16. I have some friends in my life that I wish would move to another country and leave me alone. I feel I’ve known them too long to say, “You’ve really begun to irritate me and I’m done being friends with you.”

17. I think James Spader is sexy as all get out, especially in “Secretary.” Well, most especially in “Pretty in Pink,” but that includes tolerating a lot of Molly Ringwald pouting in order to see La Spader in all his glory.

18. Sometimes I think I could be straight and get married and have a husband and a couple kids and a minivan and a house with a picket fence. And then I break out in hives.

19. I drink nonfat vanilla lattes with sugar-free syrup from Starbucks on a routine basis. So much so that the barista on the drive-through mic recognized my voice this morning and asked how I was. I love that in a very Norm! way.

20. I think I’m starting to have hot flashes. Given that I’m only 32, this freaks me out a bit.

21. My new cell phone is on order. I plan to recycle my stinky poopy incensy pee-pee phone. The clerk at Cingular suggested I keep it as a backup. All together now: HELL NO.

22. When I was 13, my bedroom was pink with cream trim and pink carpet. I *loved* it. When I was 28, that same décor made me feel like I was six.

23. I have just enough OCD in me to have to put a pen down and pick it up again until it “feels right.” I can’t explain it.

24. I clearly remember hearing several Journey songs during my youth.

25. My first concert was the Oak Ridge Boys, whom I loved.

26. I danced to “Elvira” for a sixth grade talent show tryout. I didn’t make the cut.

27. I’m chewing spearmint Extra gum. It’s my favorite flavor.

28. Symphony candy bars with toffee chips are my favorite candy bars.

29. I have developed a great affection for Gatorade over the past couple years, especially the orange and red kinds.

30. Although I know sex sells, I think the Gatorade Rain commercials are a little too much skin/sex/panting/wet-and-apparently-horny athletes/raw animal magnetism simply to sell electrolytes.

31. 7:00 PM is probably my favorite time of the day.

32. I tend to unwind in the evening by watching reruns of “Friends.”

33. I threw away my remaining cigarettes this morning. Ever since I first quit smoking at 24, I’ve never been able to smoke like I used to. Which is a good thing. But it’s still kind of weird.

34. I was born overseas. My birth certificate proclaims me as “an American citizen born abroad.”

35. My first and middle names are foreign and are routinely botched by clerks and nurses and people at Starbucks. I’m kind and I’ll explain, hopefully with at least a sliver of patience in my voice, how to pronounce my first name and what it means, when all I really want to say is, “May I please have my debit card back?”

36. I had trouble with a student loan when I was an undergraduate student because someone at the Social Security Administration classified me as a non-citizen of the US. I had to go to the financial aid office to sort out the problem. One of the ugly Americans working in the office looked at my first name and my birthplace – apparently missing the part of the form that said ‘has lived in the U.S. since the age of 18 months’ – and, I kid you not, yelled, “HOW LONG HAVE YOU LIVED IN THIS COUNTRY?” Despite the fact that I answered her in perfect English, she yelled her next few questions as well. Apparently, foreign = deaf.

37. I love sushi. But not octopus.

38. Many of my childhood memories involve being then-stuck at book sales with my parents and next to my mom in fabric stores, bored senseless, looking at patterns in catalogs.

39. I am developing an affection for fabric stores and want to make myself lots of pretty sarongs to wear to next year’s MWMF. One of my favorite things to do is browse through bookstores, especially the half-price kind where $50 = two bags full of books.

40. I love to buy books, but I don’t always get around to reading them.

41. I check my email about a billion-and-a-half times a day.

42. I can’t settle on a graduate program to apply for.

43. Even though I love it, I don’t drink enough water.

44. Cherry Garcia used to be one of my favorite Ben and Jerry ice creams, but I recently heard about someone choking and dying while eating it. Said ice cream has lost its allure.

45. I love love love to swim.

46. My parents owned a bright orange VW bug when I was a baby.

47. Sometimes I think about buying a bright orange VW bug of my own, although the new ‘quiet’ versions take something away from the slug bugs of old.

48. I am instantly calm and happy and dreamy childlike when I enter a flower shop.

49. I want tattoos on at least one of my forearms, something big on part of my back, something on the back of my neck, possibly something down my spine, and possibly a vine ‘growing’ up my right thigh. I love the freedom to decorate my body the way I choose.

50. I had my nipples pierced for about a year. I got bored with the piercings after that and took the barbells out.

51. I have been in a few two many car wrecks.

52. When I was 20, I did cocaine twice. The first time was fun in that I-just-danced-for-two-hours-without-stopping-look-at-me-go-I’m-a-Solid-Gold-dancer way, but the second time, my heart almost beat out of my chest and I couldn’t sleep and I was scared I was going to have a heart attack and I did.not.like.it.at.all. That was the last time I did it. I couldn’t bear the thought of accidentally overdosing and having my parents live with the knowledge the rest of their lives that I had done coke.

53. Considering how much I like to sleep and relax and lie around like a slug, I have decided I was a bear in a previous life. A four-month nap sounds right up my alley. Unfortunately, a four-month nap for a human is often described as a “coma.”

54. Of my four tattoos, I really only love one of them. But I wouldn’t get the other ones removed.

55. I like to crunch up crackers in Ramen noodle soup so that the soup becomes a slightly moist crackery noodle delight. I used to eat Ramen noodles a lot but now that I know they have a bazillion milligrams of sodium in them, it’s hard to crack open a package without thinking about bloated ankles. Sexy.

56. I would love to go to a spa for a week and get massaged and rubbed down with salt scrubs and mud packs and to get facials and foot rubs.

57. I would like to have a rice steamer. I used to excel at cooking rice, but I’ve been fucking it up the last few years. I blame the electric stoves I’ve had to live with since 2002.

58. I prefer to wear bra tanks over actual bras. I own one look-my-boobs-are-pushed-up-under-my-chin bra that I save for special occasions. Or personal torture.

59. I have boob envy although I don’t know what I would do with bigger boobs. Seems like they’d get in the way of sleeping on my stomach comfortably.

60. I haven’t gone out and partied for the last two New Year’s Eves and I am perfectly happy about it.

61. We’re having a summer outing at work tonight and I have to tolerate my coworkers beyond my daily eight hours. I am not pleased about this fact.

62. One of my favorite foods is pasta. Pretty much any kind. But especially angel hair. Even though the name is a little creepy.

63. I recently attended my 15-year high school reunion, which was a grandiose waste of $40.

64. I secretly gloat when I use a word that Cecil has to look up in the dictionary.

65. I was only out as bisexual in college. At one point in time, I had a Chippendales calendar and the Janet-Jackson-topless-with-her-then-boyfriend’s-hands-on-her-boobies poster up in my dorm room.

66. I have a hard time trusting slim people sometimes.

67. I used to fantasize about all kinds of baby names but saw an episode of “Queer as Folk” in which a Jewish character said it was bad luck to name a baby before its birth. After that, I stopped thinking about baby names, even though I’m so far from popping out a kid, I might as well be a man.

68. I often have Greta Garbo-ish “I vant to be left alone” days.

69. I tend to forget that I’m tall until someone remarks on it or until I see a photo of myself standing next to people.

70. I just had a little giggle that I just passed #69. I have some very 13-year-old boy tendencies, apparently.

71. I used to love the smell of gasoline. Now I’m sort of indifferent.

72. Sometimes I think about having enough money to buy my parents’ house when they sell it.

73. I tend to look at bed frames in catalogs and pick out favorites based on my ability to be tethered to the headboard.

74. I just spent about half an hour reading other people’s blogs, filling out surveys, and maniacally checking my email.

75. I just thought about three quarters.

76. I prefer to do laundry with liquid detergent. Powder detergent is messy.

77. I am two years and one month older than my brother.

78. I prefer not to cook. I can do it and have made some good stuff, including my mom’s chicken
enchiladas and a kickin’ spaghetti sauce, but generally, it’s just a lot of work.

79. I prefer to be barefoot as often as possible. This presents a problem in the wintertime.

80. Sometimes I think about moving places like San Francisco or Seattle or Portland, OR, and I wonder if I’ll ever make it there.

81. I often wonder how I’m going to die.

82. I am very picky about my choice of staplers. They have to weigh just enough and staple easily with one-hand use. Until I glanced around my office space and saw my stapler, I didn’t realize I had quite so many rules about office supplies.

83. My dad often interrupts me when I’m speaking. I’ve called him on it several times. I was talking to him a few minutes ago and he railroaded every one of my sentences with his own phrases. After awhile, I just give up.

84. I really wish I could skip this “fun company summer outing” tonight. I’m wondering how much I can drink before people will start to notice.

85. Elmo wears white tank top undershirts under his business shirts and ties and I think he looks like a dork.

86. I haven’t been overseas for almost 13 years.

87. I love to paint but I’m having a hard time getting myself to go buy a big canvas and a big paintbrush to create something, even if only for myself.

88. Matisse is one of my favorite artists.

89. I also [heart] Frida Kahlo.

90. I often watch TV with the closed captioning turned on.

91. I have never been to Mexico.

92. I developed a love for artichokes at a young age.

93. Once, when I had a bad cold as a kid, my mom gave me ½ a pill of some kind of cold medicine that puts people to sleep. I still remember being very disturbed that I was falling asleep against my will.

94. I used to be in ballet and gymnastics. Given my naturally clumsy state, I’m surprised I didn’t permanently injure myself.

95. In gymnastics, we were taught how to do a cartwheel off the balance beam. It scared me so much that I did my cartwheel, blacked out in mid-air, and hit the huge stuffed mat with a gigantic ***wham***. I once also blacked out when jumping from a high diving board. Alex, I’ll take “Fear of Heights” for $100, please.

96. I like math more than I, a former English major, let on, but not enough to use it in my daily profession. Probably.

97. I enjoy the cartoon “Baby Blues.”

98. I used to be a huge fan of Garfield books and owned several. I also once got a hand-signed letter from Jim Davis, which I think I still have somewhere.

99. Lasagna rules but I almost never eat it.

100. Our Forced Fun Outing begins in less than an hour. I wonder if I can get out of the state by then.